Here at MetroWize we know its tough to juggle the wife, job, girlfriend and mistress and still get in all that valuable drinking time that you so desperately deserve. Thankfully, we're here for you in a brand spanking new segment: The 24 hour drinking guide.
**Now, we're not saying that you should drink for 24 hours consecutively, this is more like a hypothetical situation in which we tell you how to look good doing it, not a primer for burgeoning alkies. Remember, your liver is evil and it needs to be punished. **

Early AM (6am-9am)
Morning drinking is always tricky because for some reason there is a stigma attached to a good stiff shot right in the morning. Which is why, some long ago genius invented Irish Coffee. Try it in its perfected form over at the Buena Vista. The coffee is wake you up and the whiskey will your liver help process the remnants of the night before. Now, you might hear some huppla about the Mimosa being the perfect morning, but it so sweat that it won't let you keep up the sound drinking regiment that you so dearly need to hold on to if you want to survive the trip.

Mid morning drinks (10-11)
SO here's the thing, once you've cleared the cobwebs off your liver from the night before you need something else to thin the blood but it's way to early to start messing around with fancy shots and umbrella drinks. What you need is a Bloody Mary, a drink which kind of did me in a few columns ago when we did our bloody mary bust, but still, helps fill in our morning drinking guide by giving your body much needed fruits in forms of tomato and lime juice in the mary.

Lunch Time Drinking (12-2)
Ah, this is when its finally socially acceptable to have an actual drink in your hand. What better way to celebrate it then with a Martini lunch? Now by this point in the game you've already had a few Irish coffees in and you're complete tomato serving for the month. These Martinis are going to wash all that away in a sea of vodka and olive goodness. We should probably mention that you should eat something during your Martini lunch, but you know, whatever.

Mid Afternoon (3-5)
The Wall. This will be the point in the afternoon when you're probably feeling pretty buzzed, you're wondering why you're wasted at 3pm on a Monday and you probably want to quit. No, young Padawan - what you need is a pick me up and lots of it. You need some solid carbs to burn off for the rest of your booziness. Find your nearest German Haufbrau Haus (bar) and order up Das Boot, 2.5 liters of over the top German minded insanity. It's so beautiful you'll find yourself mouthing as you hoist up this monstrosity.

Late Afternoon/Early Evening (6-8)
Whoo, you are feeling good right now. That boot was nothing, right. Now it's time we play the smart card and hit a happy hour. In a down economy especially, it should not be hard to find that bar that is doing $2 PBR's or rails or 1/2 off everything at the bar. It's easy to pop in for a much needed shot of Jameson at each of them. The logic behind this is that the Jameson will act like draino and sink down past all that Beer you drank its strong proof might shock your system enough to pop your eyes wide back open.

Prime Time (9-11)
Ah yes, now you've safely entered the drinking zone. There is no more pussy footing around it - you are fully able to get crunked on a public scale. The world is your oyster at this point and you can be the jack ass that has been building up inside you all day. Go on... swerve it player!

The Moves (12-2)
When you're doing a 24 hour drinking cleanse, you aren't looking for clubs, you're looking for places where your inebriation won't be that suspect. This is why the Spaghetti Monster invented hotel bars. They are like a secret little world where its so corporate its tough to kick out the clientel. The best thing that goes with this type of setting is a nice glass of JW Black on the rocks. Its smooth and the sugars in it should wake you up a bit.

The Magic Hours (3-4am)
By now you are home - if you've got no idea of where you were or how you got there, then welcome to our world. Chances are there are weird stamps from clubs you don't remember visiting on your arms and you've got some sort of fast food with you. All is good. This is the time to crack out the Champagne. Nothing says class like a bottle of Vueve being popped open for all your cronies in a victory toast of all you've accomplished.

Separating the groupies from the rock stars (4-6am)
Here again you want get back involved with whiskey. Whiskey is like that old tough coach from Rambo, sure its mean and wizended and bitter but it'll believe in you and push you farther then you ever thought it could, hell play your cards right and at 6am you to can be punching cuts of beef or running up flights of stairs in Philly, slurring out eye of the tiger - that's whiskey for you.

Want more? Get more boozy goodness from our in house Booze Professor Logan B.