“You live way out there?” is a refrain often heard by Richmond District residents, with a tone on “there” usually reserved for doggy-doo. The truth is, not only is the Inner Richmond not that far away (come on people, the whole city is only 7 by 7!), it is a land of multiple delights. Not least of which are the following top ten dive bars of the Inner Richmond, all of which you can reach without having to venture beyond Park Presidio.

Plough & Stars
116 Clement, at 2nd Avenue
Several bars claim to be SF’s best Irish bar, but the Plough and Stars is as real is it gets. Decipher the brogue of Irish bartenders in the dim light, sit at the long bench-style tables, check out the live music calendar and be aware that on any given evening you may share the table with local musicians who get together to jam to Celtic music.

Ireland’s 32
3920 Geary, at 3rd Avenue
There is something both fascinating and creepy about the IRA memorabilia decorating this bar, but the bartender/owner is a prince of a fellow and serves a mean shepherd’s pie. Ireland’s 32 also hosts one of the city’s best weekly open mics, and has a reliable schedule of bands throughout the week.

Fizzee’s
3954 Geary, at 4th Avenue
Imagine a down-at-heel sports bar from small town Ohio parachuted into the Avenues and staffed by cute young asian bartenders.

O’Keefe’s
598 5th Avenue, at Balboa
Finding this place feels like joining a secret club. You could live in the neighborhood for years and not notice the non-descript exterior. Inside you’ll find the kind of quiet no-fuss neighborhood bar that has a faded picture of JFK on the wall.

Abbey Tavern
4100 Geary, at 5th Avenue
The Abbey Tavern once won an award from one of the local weeklies as best late night sleazy pick-up bar. On weekend nights it gets a large crowd of USC students, but otherwise is pretty low-key and is a great place to catch soccer and rugby games from the far side of the Atlantic.

Dog’s Bollix
408 Clement, at 5th Avenue
Very small, boisterous without being threatening and the most likely spot to have a talkative drunken Irish guy who says his name is “Captain Gorgeous” try to get your phone number in.

Bitter End
441 Clement, at 5th Avenue
Despite the name, the Bitter End is a cheerful and laid-back hang out with good food, a decent jukebox and a lively Tuesday night trivia quiz.

540 Club
540 Clement Street, at 6th Avenue
There aren’t enough good things to say about the 540 Club. It regularly ends up on top ten lists for such reasons as its punk and indie-filled electronic jukebox, lively theme parties (check out the annual Catholic School Karaoke Party) and the pleasure of the company of its smart, interesting, intriguingly tattooed bartenders (of either or both of your favorite genders).

Would You Believe?
4652 Geary, at 11th Avenue
Neighborhood kids, college students and grizzled locals mix, served by a bevy of beauties behind the bar. Pretty but deadly drinks with clever names are mixed, dice are shot, and the owner Shirley is often on hand to share a drink with her regulars.

Hearth
4701 Geary, at 11th Avenue
Neighborhood dive bar par-excellence where you can play pool in the back, hear old men tell dirty jokes and get into a slurred intellectual discussion with the surprisingly well-read barfly next to you.

Extra credit if you can make a bar crawl out of all ten and remain coherent enough to tell the story!