After many arduous years of research into the depths of both sobriety and beer, your pals here at MetroWize drop beer knowledge harder than steins at Oktoberfest. This isn't a guide to what beer is or isn't - but a guide to beer from girly to burly. Loosen your belts, crack an Anchor Steam, rub your beer gut and get ready for MetroWize to bust on some brews.
Let's start slow and easy with the girly beers. These are a step up from wine coolers, but leave you with just the same amount of a hangover. Remember readers, the sweeter the juice the harder the headache.
Strawberry Pete's Wicked Ale, Apricot Pyramid Ale or anything with Blueberry or Chocolate that's not in the stout category is definitely girly. These are hanging out, critiquing figure skater uniforms, listening to bootlegs of Hannah Montana type girly. While they might be tasty or your favorite beer in high school - MetroWize doesn't judge - but we can't say the same thing about your friends.
Next, you have the Belgian Whites like Blue Moon and Hoegaarden - which are not dainty care bear girly like the early beers, but more like the girls that played softball in college - a little rougher, a little thicker, sometimes with more hair on their upper lip than you, but at the end of the day they still threw underhand.
If you're feeling like a rebel, then Hefeweizens are like the David Bowie of suds in that it's refreshing and light but it still has the body of a beer.
Progressing on we get to the more Shia LeBouf section of beers, the kind of beers that can run with big boys but you'd never be afraid of leaving your sister alone with them. These are your Red Stripes, Becks, Stella Artois, Tsing Taos, Sapporos and Modelo Especials.
To read more on our guide to beer, check out our Complete Guide to Beer Part 2.