Where do Champ babies come from?

True champagne comes from Champagne, France, 90 miles northeast of Paris. We generally refer to all yellow, bubbly grape booze as Champagne, but really, it's "sparkling wine."

Once upon a pre-historic time, the inland sea covered the Champagne region. Then it disappeared. Through a course of cycles we learned about in middle school, the land eventually became fertile. By the point the Romans rolled through, the area was ripe for the picking with a farm tool.

Bubbles did not happen overnight though. Champagne wine of the 1600's did not sparkle. One Benedictine Monk named Dom Perignon (1638-1715), receives credit for the effervescence. Yes, you can thank God for 1/2 of the Mimosa. Perignon (whose names we know from Biggie lyrics) was cellar master of the Royal Abbey of Saint-Vanne. He revolutionized Champagne by mixing grapes from different vineyards to create a cuvee or superior blend. Nowadays, some champagne makers mix 30 or more different wine bases to create their blend. Perignon put his wine in a thicker bottle with a cork tied down with string to prevent spontaneous explosions. Clever holy man.

Sparkling wines made outside of the Champagne region are not allowed to apply the term "Champagne," unless they use French "method champenoise" for wine-making. A wine cuvee is blended in large vats and given a syrupy dose of sugar and wine, along with special yeasts. They cork it and allow the sugar and yeast to have a fermentation orgy. That's where you get the live bubbles. Fermentation gets frisky, pressure in the bottle builds to over 100 pounds per square inch. The bottles are then "riddled," flipped upside-down at a 45 degree angle. Kinky.

Just like sexually mature humans, the bottles need to be shaken every three to four days, or else. Next comes "disgorgement." The bottle neck is placed in an icy solution, causing sediment that's collected at the bottle head to freeze solid. The cork is released and pressure pushes the hard thing out. After a little more sugar, the bottle gets recorked, sealing a pressurized cabin at 60-90 pounds per square inch of pleasure.

What's in a Champ-name?

The main grape varieties, red Pinot Noir, Pinto Meunier and white Chardonnay require warmer weather to ripen. Grapes that cannot fully ripen, like those of the cooler Champagne region, are more acidic and have a less developed flavor. So we dazzle them up with bubbles.

Vintage Champagnes are made from the best grapes of a harvest. Wines from the same year must make up 75-80% of the cuvee in order to be labeled Vintage. These champagnes are aged for a minimum 3 years.

Non-vintage Champagnes are blends from two or more harvests. These constitute 75-80% of what's on the market.

Rose Champagnes get their color from a little touch of red wine in their cuvee, or from red grape skin. The flavor is strong in these ones.

Blanc de Blanc Champagnes are drier than a towel, containing less than 1.5% sugar. Extra Dry (or Extra Sec) are slightly sweeter, 1.7-3.5% sugar. Demi-Sec is even sweeter and Doux is super sweet, being 5% sugar. Just like your mom. BA-ZING!

Get Thee to a Winery

Are you titillated? Want to stop somewhere and pick up a bottle o' bubbly before heading out so you can impress your friends by dropping all this knowledge on their heads? These wine shops around town carry affordable and delicious champagnes. Leave the Cook's at 7-11.

Wine Expo
2933 Santa Monica Blvd
Santa Monica, CA 90404-2413
310-828-4428

John & Pete's Fine Wines & Spirits
621 N La Cienega Blvd
Los Angeles, CA 90069

Mel and Rose
8344 Melrose Ave
West Hollywood, CA 90069
323-655-5557

K&L Wine Merchants
1400 Vine Street
Hollywood, CA 90028
Phone: (323) 464-9463

55 Degree Wine
3111 Glendale Blvd Ste 2
Atwater Village, CA 90039
323-662-5556

Silverlake Wine
2395 Glendale Blvd.
LA, CA 90039
323-662-9024

Rosso Wine Shop
3459 1/2 N Verdugo Rd
Glendale, CA 91208
Phone: 818-330-9130

Colorado Wine Company
2114 Colorado Boulevard
Eagle Rock, CA 90041
323-478-1985

The Wine House
2311 Cotner Ave
Los Angeles, CA 90064
800-626-9463