OMG you're out at your favorite bar - probably Bloodhound playing some Buck Hunter downing the new Chipotle infused Hanger 1 when it happens - you run into them, the Bar Brosefs.

Ok, lets start with the Bearded Pony Tailed Jerk drinking white wine and working on his novel. Really? As professional pens for hire the staff here at MetroWize know what it's like to be working on a novel. We all have one that we've been developing since college but none of us have the audacity to actually pull this stunt in a bar. Its some kind of San Francisco staple to have a dude at the end of the bar hogging the lamp furiously jotting away in his moleskine notepad. Unless your the CIA or a pirate don't write things down in a bar. Its not cool. Girls do not dig it. Yes, your Chenin-Blanc might have a lot of honey but the only thing you should be putting down in your thesis is the fact that everyone hates you and you smell like Burt Reynolds mustache.

Next up we have the Juke Box Hog - you know the guy that hovers over the juke box trying to show the world his soul through his choice cuts of Journey and Metallica. The guy that loudly lip syncs to Radiohead's 'Creep'.. If you've got any talent you'd be playing Rock Band at Vertigo (1160 Polk St). This is why bars tend to play their own music. Obviously we don't have as much venom for Jukebox guy as for bearded wine drinker - but they still suck.

The Sports Nut. Ok the blood is boiling again. As a bartender I've worked all sorts of spots before and been in places with a TV and without. If its not a sports bar then don't assume we care about your team or know the score. Yes, you're a sports fan - we can always tell because you're overweight, drunk and wearing a jersey with your players number on it. There's nothing wrong with that. Here at MetroWize we're huge sports fans, we even read GQ's article on Barry Bonds but its all about time and place. Don't come into a busy bar and loudly moan about the fact that there's not sports on TV. Don't come to the bar on a packed night and ask the bartender if he knows who's winning the big game. That's like if a bartender went to your cubicle and asked who placed in the the World Spirits competition. We just don't know, and unless the TV has the game on we don't have the opportunity to know. Even though we're pouring drinks and telling dirty jokes we're working. Drink your bud light and hang out with the Juke Box guy, jerk.

The Scam Man is next on our list because he's the kind of guy who hits on everything and generally disrupts the easy going vibe of a nice spot. He's probably wearing outdated clothes, has a hat on sideways, and says "girl" a lot and uses pick up lines without irony. Por Ejemplo: "Girl, Did you fart? Because you totally blew me away?" Ok, that might be a great pickup line if used with irony but we've all seen these dudes. They make the rest of us look bad. Its hard to tell what motivates this breed of Douche Bag besides the obvious need for physical connection. Being part of a crowd that's only a few sniffs away from Freud our opinion is that their lack of a strong maternal connection is fostering a false sense of desire that is only supplanted by their longing for cheap booze and companionship. Also, these guys usually are low level drug dealers and generally worse tippers than the Sports Nut.

Then like the end of the yellow brick road we get to the magical person known as the Wizard of Grog: The Partier. The guy who's red faced, slack jawed and has a little spittle hanging from the side of his mouth. He's wasted, banging his fists up on the ceiling, yelling at the DJ and a total train wreck. Its the guy who takes the all you can drink mimosas for Sunday brunch at Lime as a personal challenge. The kind of guy who belts out Jimmy Buffet's "Pirate looks at 40" at the top of his lungs while getting everyone near him to slowly back away. The guy that took it just a little to far and now makes the rest of the bar crowd edgy. He might or might not be the fighting type but he definitely needs to be forcibly removed from the place, which is really a shame because for a while he was probably the life of the party. Sometimes these guys slip from buzzed to blitzed and lose all their cool. Its not fun for the guests or the bartender and this type of behavior defiantly earns its place in the Douche Bag Hall of Shame.

Did we miss you? If we forgot your worst nightmare at a bar then stay tuned to our next installment of the five worst types of women at a bar. Cheers.