All scotch is whiskey but not all whiskey is scotch. With that nugget of wisdom we present you with the MetroWize guide to scotch. The short list of things you need to know about single malts, blends, highlands, lowlands and islays. From the neat, to a splash of water to the rocks we've got you covered. So take out a pre-embargo stogie, sit back in your comfortable leather chair and prepare yourself to drink some scotch.

First and foremost whiskey is the Gaelic word which literally translates to, water of life. Scotch whiskey or whisky as its sometimes spelled comes only from Scotland. Just like Bourbon can only come from the central bluegrass region of Kentucky.

Here is some basic back round to know about scotch before we get to the fun drinking stuff (courtesy of Wikipedia):

1. Must be distilled at a Scottish distillery from water and malted barley, to which only other whole grains may be added, have been processed

2. Must be matured in Scotland in oak casks for no less than three years and a day,

3. Must not contain any added substance other than water and caramel coloring, and

4. May not be bottled at less than 40% alcohol by volume.

So, how do we go about drinking the stuff?
With scotch you have to ask yourself if you like a smokey flavor or that of regular whiskey. Scotch gets its smoke flavor imparted from the peat that grows abundantly around Uncle McScrooge's property. In the distillation process given the region of Scotland where they're making the scotch it either develops more of a smokey taste or less of a smokey taste. This information is listed right on the bottle - not that the bottle has a little drawing of smoke on it or anything, but the region will more often than not describe the flavor. The basic rule of thumb is that Highlands tend to be far less smokey then their lowland cousins. Islay scotch (pronounced eye-lah) also fall into this latter category. It'll say right on the bottle where the scotch is from - unless its a blend, but we'll cover them too.

For example, lets say you want to drink liquid smoke. If you want to drink campfire, then try Laphroaig 10 yr. Its meaty and smokey and makes you feel like one of Charlie Wilson's congress buddies during the cold war. Its a heavily peated islay scotch. Like most great single malt scotches, you would only need a cube or two of ice or just a splash of water on this bad boy to open up the subtle flavors that are hidden beneath its macho exterior.

Another great example of smokey style single malt scotches would have to be Lagavulin 16, it's slightly sweeter but still has that good old timey taste of smoke, mahogany and ass kicking, like the allies at V-E day.

In contrast, try Macallan 12. Its a highland scotch which means its much less peated or smokey. Its kind of like Demi Moore in G.I. Jane, sure its sexy and demure but it'll definitely knee cap you if you look at it wrong.

The numbers you see behind the names are the actually amount of years these individual scotches have been stored in barrels to achieve maximum flavor. The previous listed scotches were all single malts which means it's whiskey that is only made from one distillery and not mixed with any other whiskeys.

Which leads us then to blended whiskeys. Blended Scotch is a mash up of different whiskeys, sometimes from different distillers that are blended, like some wines to achieve a certain peak level of taste. A lot of blended scotches have years after their names, but instead of saying how old they are the numbers merely show the youngest scotch in the blend.

Johnny Walker is probably the best known of the blended scotches and for good reason - it's awesome. It's versatile and because it's a blend there is not so much of the quasi-esoteric aspect surrounding it as you would find with the single malts. One of the truly greats is JW Black Label which is a 12yr blend that mixes well with ice or even a splash of soda. Or you can go big and get a JW Anniversary, a blended scotch that contains whiskeys at least 150 years old, oh and it sells for $400 a shot.

If spending that kind of money on a drink makes your knees shake then there's always good old reliable Dewars, the work horse of the blended scotch world. It's kind of like the Keaunu Reeves of scotch. You've heard of it, you've tried it but you never really understood the appeal and you know that whatever you mix it with will end up being ok, not spectacular but not horrible either.

There you have it - a bare bones guide to scotches. Try to remember with single malts never add anything other than a cube or two of ice or a dash of water. Blends are more of the frat boys of the scotch scene and are open to more interpretation. In the end, drink up, be merry and tip well.